My fitness practice has been…challenging…over the past few months. Those who know me, know I go pretty hard at fitness. I love to challenge myself and go for the rush of endorphins that comes by completing something hard. This wasn’t always the case, but it has become my habit over the past 2 years. So when I found out I was pregnant, I became paralyzed with fear. I looked around and was overwhelmed by everything that I loved and COULDN’T do any more. No more heavy lifting, no more MMA, no more kickboxing, no more Insanity…I realized that I had filled my life with practices I loved, but that were not SO great for my current state. Don’t get me wrong- people continue some of these activities throughout their pregnancy and they’re happy and healthy and it’s a beautiful thing. But me? I was SCARED. I didn’t want to risk hurting my baby for ANY program. So I did the only thing I knew how to do- I stopped working out. I kept active- taking the stairs, walking, etc. but I stopped following any kind of fitness program. Before I knew it, I was spiraling. I was depressed and anxious, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t seem to stick to any form of healthy eating, I just couldn’t keep my shit together. Mind you, some of this is just the hormones of the first trimester (paired with some big life changes) but some of it…some of it was just feeling what it was like to live in fear of my body. Constant fear that I wasn’t strong enough. That I was going to hurt myself. That I was going to hurt my baby. I’ve had to spend a few weeks in the spiritual gym to push through that and really come to a place where I’m ready to begin again.
So today, I went back to the yoga mat. Today, I began a NEW fitness practice. One that is challenging (I AM prepping for birth in 6 months) but gentle. One that focuses on my CURRENT body and honors how it is changing. And one that will connect me to my precious little babe and remind me WHY I’m letting go of my death-grip on the Pop Tarts and picking up a smoothie.
If anyone would be interested in joining me in this, I’d absolutely adore your company! New beginnings aren’t easy, and they’re always better with friends ❤️